Being just another morning like many, I started in on the chores as soon as I got to the Trails. I was busy delivering feed and checking water when I glanced over to Glory’s(our miniature horse that was expecting her foal) pen. The months that we had been waiting for the delivery had seemed like years. What would God give us to minister to so many? We had envisioned the smiles upon seeing her, the caresses of her adorable hair, the nibbles on fingers, and the precious neighs that she would articulate as she called for us. We could see her tiny feet and legs trotting around in youthful bliss. We could see the love, God’s love being delivered to so many through her presence.
What I saw upon glancing into her pen was none of the things that I mentioned. I saw death. It lay in the corner of the pen; a little white and brown filly, Glory’s foal. Shaking my head no,……I could hardly catch my breath as I shakingly loosened the latch and opened the gate. Pawing at the ground, Glory stood faithfully by her lifeless foal. I hesitantly took one step after the other. Each step felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. As I knelt and caressed the foals tiny little ears and nose, I looked for what could have caused this horrific death. I could find nothing. She looked perfect…..just perfect. Reaching down, my arms enveloped her and I brought her to my chest. Yes….. the tears flowed. Yes….. I asked God why?
Even though I know that God is a God of life, not death. I could not help but ask Him why. Even though I know that God created a perfect world, and mankind brought sin, death, disease, ect…… into it. We started this ball, and must be subject to it’s rolling until Christ returns to forever free us from it’s wrath. However God them, gave His Son to atone for mankind’s sin to reconcile them to Himself in a perfect world(the second time)…. again…….. in heaven. On top of that, He promises while we are in this fallen world and subject to it’s sin, death, and disease that He will be with us through the darkest days,and longest nights of pain, emptiness, and suffering. Even with all of this knowledge, I still ask Him why.
Through the cracking of my voice and tears that saturated my shirt,as well as my cheeks, I ask Him why? In my why……I saw another one kneeling… but His tears carried such distress that they intermingled with drops of blood. God’s own Son, and His cry was to let this cup pass from Him. At that time, during those events of Jesus dying and paying the price for our sin, dying became part of living. Christ died that we might have life. So in that, we must find life in death. It must make us stronger, more determined, more resolved to go on. Upon death’s visit, we must go on with greater fervor, greater purpose, greater vision,……greater life. Then death loses it’s sting, because through death can come life.
Romans 8:32 He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have eternal(perfect) life.
Sitting on the ground with the foal held to my chest, I closed my eyes. I saw her story…..for a moment. I saw our dream….for a moment. Just for a moment……. she lived.. in my vision of what could have been. Then I laid her and the dream to rest. I wanted to stop……stop exposing my heart to these losses. I wanted to stop being vulnerable to this ministry that God had called me to. However, as I stood …….to walk…. forward. I knew if I quit that something greater than the foal had died, my purpose; God’s purpose through me.
I know God called me to New Life Trails. He has prepared me for the ministry at the Trails from the day that I was born. Everything that He has allowed into my life both good and bad were for this moment in time. He allowed me to be forged in the fire of adversities of this fallen world. A tool…..a tool used to draw others to Him in salvation and in comfort. He allowed me to grow me up in poverty and in the country around animals where my only solace was from Him through them. He grew me up with 3 rowdy brothers and 4 boy cousins. I know how to do community service work with these teenage boys. He has brought me through death, sickness, sexual abuse, suicide,alcoholism, divorce, physical abuse, foster care, a children’s home, ect…. All through which, I could become a casing that He would combat the darkness and suffering of this fallen world.
definition of casing-large diameter pipe lowered into an open hole and cemented in place. The well designer(God) must design casing to w ithstand a variety of forces, such as collapse, burst, tensile failure, as well as chemically aggressive components.
2 Timothy 2:3 Thou therefore endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ; no man that warreth entangleth himself with the cares of this world that he may please Him who hath chosen him as a soldier.
1 Corinthians 9:22 To the weak, I have become weak; I have become all things to all men, that through Christ some would be saved.
Anyway, the point being…..God laid this story on my heart for a reason. I wasn’t going to write about it, but the Holy Spirit urged me relentlessly. We have all experienced death. It may be a physical death, or the death of a dream, the death of a love, death of hopes for a child, a job, a career, and the list goes on and on. Many times in life I have had to chose to be a conqueror of my destiny, and not a victim of my circumstances. A victim equates to death; be it physical, emotional,or spiritual. A conqueror equates to life, and abundant life; life from death(going on).
The worst thing that could happen from my death would be for it to equate to someone quitting, giving up, or emotionally, spiritually dying. I desire that it would engage, fill with vigor,and greater determination the purpose that my life encapsulated! With this thought, I will honor our little foal. She lived 9 months within her mother giving us hope, anticipation, and dreams. I will honor her life by continuing to love, to live, and to learn of how to bring others to Christ and to His comfort.
This is a picture of the pen after Glory was put back out with the other horses. It looks empty, but it’s not. Therein lies, all the hopes and dreams that were
strengthened not destroyed by her death.
Please forgive me if the picture offends you. I posted in hope that within it you could see life….death……and life from death.